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Gaslighting is known as a form of emotional manipulation designed to make someone doubt what they see or feel. The term comes from an old movie where a husband manipulates the gas lights to confuse his wife. Even though she notices changes in the lighting, he denies it, blaming her imagination and making her question her own sanity.
This is what gaslighting is all about: making you doubt your own thoughts, feelings, and even your own reality. Usually, we think of gaslighting as something other people do to us. But surprisingly, we can do it to ourselves too. This is called self-gaslighting. As a result, we might start to ignore or reject our own emotions and opinions.
Why would someone do this to themselves when everyone knows gaslighting is bad?
Well, many people who do this to themselves don’t even realize they’re doing it. However, there are some signs that can show you’re sabotaging yourself:
- Not trusting yourself or your own perception
- Doubting your memory
- Feeling like you’re imagining things
- Thinking you’re too sensitive
- Having a strong inner critic
- Ignoring or downplaying your own feelings
- Neglecting your own needs
- Making excuses for other people’s bad behavior
- Blaming yourself
- Struggling to set boundaries
- Dwelling on the past
This inner conflict often shows up as thoughts like: “I’m not sure, maybe I’m wrong,” “Maybe I misunderstood,” or “Maybe it didn’t happen that way. I guess I’m just too sensitive.”
How Does Self-Gaslighting Develop?
Self-gaslighting often happens when facing the truth feels uncomfortable. It’s common in people who’ve experienced trauma, abuse, or difficult childhoods.
For example, someone who had a tough childhood might downplay or ignore what happened instead of facing it and sometimes they do this without even realizing it, because thinking about it is painful.
Gaslighting can also happen at work. A boss or coworker might act very differently in public than in private. These mixed signals can make you question what you think or remember. This is called cognitive dissonance. It happens when the messages you receive don’t add up, leaving your mind confused.
Self-gaslighting doesn’t just make you doubt yourself, but it can also make you feel like you don’t deserve success in your career. This can really hurt your confidence and make you think you don’t deserve praise or rewards at work. It can also stop you from making positive changes. For example, if you convince yourself that a bad job situation isn’t so bad, you might not try to make things better … .
